A fantastic email exchange

Since all of you have some time on your hands--my assumption is that ESPN picked up our game tomorrow, causing an 8-year-old baseball game to be played at 8:30 p.m.--maybe we could use some entertainment.

This link is to an email exchange between what appears to be two parents from opposing Massachusetts Little League baseball teams of 9- and 10-year-olds. It is frightful tremendous.

In case you don't have time to read the whole thing, let's review a few of my favorite parts.

From Email A:

Coach A "demands that this decision be reversed" on behalf of "my team, the parents and all the supporters we have." Who are these imaginary "supporters"? The Mudhens Booster Club?

Coach A wants his team to be "declared champion via an email to every parent and coach in Minor League baseball." Imagine that you are a parent of a kid not on one of these two teams. Can you imagine your reaction if you got an email from the league telling you that some team had been declared Minor League co-champion? Would you give this email more or less credence than an email from a Nigerian prince who wanted you to pick up his large cash deposit in an offshore bank and wire it to him?

I also enjoyed imagining what Coach A would do with this particular email that was sent "to every parent and coach in Minor League baseball." Print it out and hang it on the wall next to your diploma?

As a final crowning achievement, Coach A's closing line is fantastic. "I will not accept any other options." I pictured this line being written while ominous music played in the background. "DECLARE THE MUDHENS MINOR LEAGUE CO-CHAMPIONS VIA AN EMAIL TO EVERY PARENT...OR ELSE!!!!!!" (cue ominous music) Most people learn that the whole, "I will not accept any other options" trick stops working when they are about four years old.

Now, on to the second email. I really liked this one because of the definite undertone that this guy knew the first guy had broken the rules. It seemed a little strange that the first guy could cite chapter and verse of the rulebook but somehow forgot about the whole "play two innings in the infield" rule...or maybe he is such a good coach that he planned for the game to go into extra innings and was going to take care of it then. But you could almost see the second guy drawing a line in the dirt with his sneaker, puffing out his chest, and daring Coach A to cross it. I therefore excuse Coach B for a major error: Spelling ice cream as one word. Ice cream is sacred and should only be spelled as two words.

As a reminder, pregame tomorrow begins at 7. I WILL NOT ACCEPT ANY OTHER OPTIONS!!!